Dresden Files Christmas Carols Revised
by JTheGoblinKing
Summary: I don't know why this keeps saving as my rough draft version. I hate rough draft. There are so many awful typos. Classic Christmas Carols re-written to fit The Dresden Files.


I know present to you my silliest Dresden Files spoof. Dresden Files Christmas Carols.

Disclaimer: The Dresden Files belong to The Scifi Channel and Jim Butcher.

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(To the Tune of Jingle Bells)

Tracking Spells

Tracking Spells, Murphy smells,  
Mai laid an egg.

Dresden's jeep lost a wheel,  
Being a blue collar wizard doesn't pay!

Dashing through the streets,

In a worn leather coat.

Oh, what Hell it is to run

From a summoned man-goat!

Oh!

Tracking spells, Murphy smells,  
Mai laid an egg.

Dresden's jeep lost a wheel,  
Being a blue collar wizard doesn't pay!

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Wreck the Halls  
(to the tune of deck the halls)

Wreck the halls with Bob and Harry,  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.  
If another season, he'd have nailed Murphy,  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la  
Donald Morgan wears gay apparel.  
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.  
Trolls will put the ancient skull in peril.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

See the blazing building before us.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.  
'It was not my fault!' is Harry's chorus.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.  
For shackles Murphy takes Harry's measure.  
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.  
While Bob yearns for sexual pleasure.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Fast away the first and only season passes.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.  
Because the Scifi Channel are a pack of arses.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

How we miss Harry's coat of battered leather.

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.  
We even miss the show's Canadian whether.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la...

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Little drumstick man

(To the tune of little drummer boy)

Come, they told me, pa rum pum pum pum  
The high Council wants to see, pa rum pum pum pum

Your head to bring, pa rum pum pum pum  
To lay before the scary Ancient Mai thing, pa rum pum pum pum,  
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to humour her, pa rum pum pum pum,  
When we come.

Scary lady, pa rum pum pum pum

It was self denfese. What could I do? pa rum pum pum pum  
You can't prove a thing, pa rum pum pum pum  
Check out my pentacle bling, pa rum pum pum pum,  
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I sovle a case for you, pa rum pum pum pum,  
With my drumstick?

Murphy nodded, pa rum pum pum pum  
I used my drumstick for her, pa rum pum pum pum  
I solved the case for her, pa rum pum pum pum,  
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then she smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum  
Me and my drumstick.

(Bob takes no accountability for the innuendo in this one. It was all Harry.)

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(To the tune of I saw Mummy kissing Santa Claus and inspired from the H. P. Lovecraft spoof version)

I saw Murphy kissing Hrothbert of Bainbridge

I saw Murphy kissing Hrothbert of Bainbridge,

In the ring of binding in Dresden's lab.

Now their children will be beasts

From the Grimoire Nom Deceased.

Bob looks just like his picture

On page four seventy three.

Now we will cast a charm to raise the dead!

Because though Bob's just skull, he knows he's quite the head

With every dark magick spell book he's ever read!

Harry would have surely come unglued

If The High Council had ever viewed

Murphy kissing Hrothbert of Bainbridge, last night!

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(To the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer)

Justin the stolen-ringed wizard

Justin the stolen-ringed wizard

Had a very stolen bling.

And if you ever saw it

You'd say it was Malcolm's ring.

All of the other wizards

Used to laugh at Justin's plan.

They never let evil Justin

Turn his pet ghost into a man.

Then one dreary autumn night

Dresden came to say

That's my father's ring all right

And proceeded to blow Justin away.

Then how the High Council chased him

As they shouted out he did flee!

'Dresden, the outcast wizard,

You'll go down in wizard history!'

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Bobby the skull-man

(To the tune of Frosty the snow man)

Bobby the skull-man

Was a misrable, damned soul.

Bound to an old sigil carved skull.

Just remember he is just a bound soul.

Bobby, the skull-man,

Is a Cautionary tale they say,

But the wizards know

How he came to life for a day.

There must have been some magick

In that ancient arrow Morningway found.

For when he flung it at Bob's chest

Corporealness came around!

Oh, Bobby the skull-man

Was alive as he could be.

And Dresden would say

He had stayed that way

For roughly half a day.

Clunkity, clunk, clunk,

Clunkity, clunk, clunk,

Look at Bob's skull roll,

Clunkity, clunk, clunk,

Clunkity, clunk, clunk,

Chucke down Dresden's hall.

Bobby the skull-man

Knew Murphy was quite hot that day.

Oh, if only he could have had some fun

Before his short mortality went away.

Bob was sent down into Hell,

Dresden had his skull in hand.

Fleeing there to back here

Those angry spirits would catch him if they could.

Bob has a habit of putting Dresden down

Especially about the pretty female cop.

He only stopped his mocking when

He heard Dresden command him to stop.

Bobby the skull-man

Had to hurry to his skull,

But don't you worry

Because without him

Dresden's life would be dull.

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(To the tune of twelve days of Christmas)

Twelve days of Dresden's trial

On the first day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

A snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the second day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the third day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the fourth day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the fifth day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the sixth day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Six hours of Morgan's ranting.

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the seventh day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Seven laws of magick.

Six hours of Morgan's ranting.

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the eighth day of Dresden's trial

Eight hours of Mai preaching.

Seven laws of magick.

Six hours of Morgan's ranting.

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the ninth day of Dresden's trial

Nine choices of execution.

Eight hours of Mai preaching.

Seven laws of magick.

Six hours of Morgan's ranting.

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the tenth day of Dresden's trial

Ten hours without sleep.

Nine choices of execution.

Eight hours of Mai preaching.

Seven laws of magick.

Six hours of Morgan's ranting.

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the eleventh day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Eleven testimonies given.

Ten hours without sleep.

Nine choices of execution.

Eight hours of Mai preaching.

Seven laws of magick.

Six hours of Morgan's ranting.

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

On the twelth day of Dresden's trial

The High Council gave to him

Twelve charges files.

Eleven testimonies given.

Ten hours without sleep.

Nine choices of execution.

Eight hours of Mai preaching.

Seven laws of magick.

Six hours of Morgan's ranting.

Five questionings.

Four calls for his death.

Three warnings.

Two condemnations.

And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!

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(To the tune of Jingle bell Rock)

Botched spell pop

Botched spell, botched spell, botched spell pop!

Cauldron bubble and potion boil,

Glowing and blowing bustles of herbs.

Now the spell has begun.

Botched spell, botched spell, botched spell pop!

Beakers chime and it's conjuring time.

Chanting and waiting by the stair.

Now the power fills the air.

What a bright time.

It's the right time

To banish demons away.

Get up, Murphy.

Kick up your feet.

Conjuring around the clock.

Mix and mingle the potion ingredients.

That's the botched spell.

That's the botched spell

That's the botched spell going pop!

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(To the tune of Christmas is coming)

The High Council is coming

The High Council is coming.  
Mister's getting fat.  
Please pay Dresden before next Sat.

If you haven't got the full thing

Half the fee will do.

If you haven't got half the fee

Well, maybe he'll curse you!

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Joy to the wizard world

(To the tune of Joy to the world or more presicely Joy to the world: Our teacher's dead)

Joy to the wizard world, Hrothbert is dead.  
We skinned the bastard's head.  
What happened to the body?  
We flushed it down the potty.  
And round and round it goes.  
Until is overflows.  
And rou-ound and rou-ou-ound and round it goes.

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End file.
